In the Key of G

I recently sat down to partake in some much needed solitude with God. But as I began to sort through my thoughts and start a conversation with Him, I was overwhelmed by the fact that what I was about to offer up to God - my few hours of solitude, my feeble thanks, my silly problems - was such an unworthy offering, that it made me want to stop right there. If I can't give Him the time and attention and praise that He deserves, then why bother. If I can't be consistent with Him, then why should He show up when I finally clear MY schedule for Him. His holiness was glaring in sharp contrast to my pathetic human attempt at connection. I felt small. I felt insignificant. I felt like a failure. And so just like that, I instantly let discouragement settle in and the lie took root that "I was not enough". A researcher and speaker named Brene Brown (who I recommend) talks about how many of us wake up in the morning and the first thing we think is "I didn't get enou...

I know, another anniversary post. One can't get enough of this analytical cheese.  Since I’m this ultra-reflective person who spends nearly half her life analyzing stuff, I of course took this anniversary opportunity to reflect a lot about marriage. And ask the most important question that I could think of – Did all those marriage prep books make a difference?  HA. I confess that may not actually be the most important question one could ask on their first anniversary. But it's a valid one in my opinion. I am probably not alone in this, but I sure spent a lot of my teen years reading dating and marriage ‘how-to’s.  And then, keeping with the times, I upgraded to blogs and podcasts during my early 20's.  I've always wanted to be as knowledgeable and prepared as one can possibly be. I think they (the authors of marriage books and blogs) do pretty great, except for one thing. They often forget to remind people like myself to just live and learn -- and put down...

The timing of our first anniversary couldn’t be better. It felt like we relived the same process we were going through last year at exactly the same times this year. Instead of planning for a wedding and creating a marriage – this year we were planning a move and renovating a house. Lots of differences, naturally, but yet some interesting similarities. First of all, just like the wedding thing, it's a lot of freaking WORK to renovate a house. Both were exhausting and grueling at times. You hold out for the day it's all over… Second, it's one of those things you want to experience at least once in your lifetime, but after it's over you say “never again”. (at least I do. Can't speak for Vince on that one, unfortunately.) Thirdly, Vince and I’s relationship took a beating during the engagement process. And well, lets just say that renovating a house together brought out a little bit more of that “beautiful refining process”. :) When the wedding was finally ove...

Transition. Its my word of the week. I sit here in our tiny dark cool apartment this morning feeling both blessed and distressed. I am blessed by God’s never ending provision for those of us who call him Dad. But what distresses me is the fact that because of His awesome provision, we only have less than a month left in this tiny dark cool apartment. All too soon we will be trading this for a much bigger and more open house .   I suppose that should sound far more appealing… I mean,who wouldn't want to go from 750 square feet to 1300+ square feet, right?  Vince and I have gotten quite attached to our “dark hole” as we have affectionately named it. Not dark in a bad way, just dark in a cozy delicious way. And mostly dark because I prefer living with the blinds closed 90% of the time.                                ...

Sometimes I read a certain Bible verse for years and never really feel all that much connection to it... and then one day I get an "aha" moment when the verse becomes tangible. I think this is probably because we're such visually and emotionally wired beings that we need God to make His Truth real to us in His timing. I had one of those "aha" moments yesterday and these verses became beautifully animated.     For you created my inmost being ;      you knit me together in my mother’s womb .     I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;      your works are wonderful,      I know that full well.     My frame was not hidden from you      when I was made in the secret place,      when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;      all the days ordained for me were written i...

Its that time of year when Christians pay extra close attention to the life of Jesus. Its the 'Holy Week'.  For so much of my life this was simply at time of routine observance. Like all good Christian kids, I grew up hearing the crucifixion and resurrection stories and observing the day as a special day.  However, five years ago this observance took on new meaning for me. Its when it became personal. I realized the depth of Christ's suffering and, most importantly, that I had played a role in all of it. I was 21 years old. I was wrestling with the extent of God's forgiveness. I was tortured by the fact that I had willingly, even blatantly, chosen sin over the biblical values I had been taught growing up. Although I knew Jesus had died for those sins, I somehow couldn't rest with that. Because even while I was sinning, I knew He had died for me and I had chosen to sin based on the knowledge that I could be forgiven someday. Basically, I had used His very death as...

Four and a half years ago I had the opportunity to go to Cambodia as one of my IGo ministry trips. Prior to this trip, I knew very little about this country or its history. Once there, however, I was deeply moved and impacted when I learned about the horrific genocide that Cambodia was recovering from. The communist Khmer Rouge had reigned there only ten years before I was born, and was responsible for somewhere around 1.7 million deaths. Even though we didn't get an opportunity to visit the actual Killing Fields (mass graves), we did see memorials and other evidence of their brutal deaths throughout our stay. This past week marked the 40th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Although I've grown up knowing what this Supreme Court decision has meant for our country, its been easy to forget and diminish the cold harsh reality that America has actually killed 50 million babies and counting since then. Its another genocide. And if your looking only at numbers, its a far more dev...

 Its a funny thing. I'm discovering that whenever you make a big change in your life (like marrying and relocating, for example) it seems like there is this never-ending role changing that goes on for the next couple months. You find yourself in situations that you've never been in before - some of them fun and others not so much.  This past weekend was a fun one, though. My parents came down for the weekend, to see us and check out the place. Hosting my mom and dad - now that was definitely a first. I'm the baby of the family and I have done very little hosting period. So it goes without saying that I was a little nervous about this. It was a lovely time, however. I tried to impress them with my newly acquired cooking skills, we climbed lighthouses, and me and Vince taught them a new game. They loved it and thought it felt a little like Florida here. (It doesn't, but its fun to pretend).               ...

Is January 3 rd too late for a New Year’s post? I hope not, because I am a sucker for end-of-the-year reflections and the New Year’s resolutions. I've been told there is virtually no difference between January 1 st and June 1 st , but in my mind there’s a big difference and I thrive on it. I get sentimental about closing the door to an old year and thrilled about embracing the new one. I am lured by the enchanting scent of fresh starts and new beginnings. Possibly I’m just getting sucked up in the hype like everyone else, but never-the-less, I’m certain that January 1st is far more exciting then June 1 st . Maybe I’m especially enthusiastic about 2013 because 2012 wore me out. I’d have to describe this past year as “consuming”. I don’t regret doing any of it. However, becoming a Mrs. and moving to a new state demanded a lot of time, attention and energy. It was a year defined by adjustments, newness, and endurance. I thank God for His ever amazing faithfulness and provision...